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Is a "band-aid" baby worth it?
I would say that in about seventy percent of my divorce cases there are unfortunately children involved. Very often it is in the best interest of the minor children to get divorced, particularly when there is a lot of arguing in the matrimonial home.
I have on occasion been consulted by a client who says that he or she wants another child but his or her spouse doesn't. They explain this as being one of the main reasons for the breakdown in the marriage. They do actually have a valid point, depending on one's perception of marriage, as some people see the aim of marriage as being to have as many children as possible.
I recently consulted a couple who wanted a divorce. They had one young son aged three. The lady was twenty five years of age and her husband in his early fourties. The problem in this relationship was that she wanted another child, hopefully a girl, but her husband wanted no further children. The lady had seen her other friends having more than one child, and desperately wanted a second.
The couple advised me that they had been sleeping in separate bedrooms for quite some time, and that the man had withdrawn himself sexually from his wife. The man explained to me that his wife had spent huge amounts of money on a credit card. Their motor vehicle had recently been in a collision and was “written off”. They needed to purchase another one, but the lady wanted to purchase clothes instead. The man needed a motor vehicle for work. He explained to me that he would not have a second child with her as she was a spendthrift.
The man further argued at our meeting that the couple had different ideas on how to discipline their son, and that until that was resolved he would not even consider having a second child with his wife. The woman however had her own other reasons for the breakdown in the marriage. She claimed that her husband was lazy and refused to assist with the cooking and other household work.
The abovementioned couple got divorced in the end and the marriage was destined for failure. A couple who have financial difficulties, have lost intimacy in their relationships and who are constantly arguing about how their child should be disciplined, should certainly not consider having a second child. This would be plain foolish and would just add to the financial problems.
I recently had another case where my client was going through a hard time with her husband. He thought having a second child would improve the marriage. She reluctantly agreed on a second child. The marriage just went from bad to worse and ended in a divorce anyway. A so-called “band-aid baby” is no solution for a struggling marriage.
Should you have any doubt as to whether to have a second child you should perhaps wait and seek professional counselling first before making a decision. It could be the best or worst decision of your life.
Child-related divorce matters
Can a "band-aid baby" save a marriage?
Annexure A
If there are minor children involved, the divorce summons must have an Annexure A attached to it.
Child maintenance matters
Maintenance & custody of adopteed children
Maintenance for the unborn child
Children suing for maintenance
Custody of children upon divorce
Jurisdiction in child custody matter
Joint decisions with respect to minor children
Child custody for the father
When a child won't see his/her father or mother
An unborn child when divorcing
Abduction & kidnapping of children
Abduction of a minor - Latest case law
The kidnapping of minor children by a parent
The international abduction of children from South Africa.
International divorces, children & overseas issues
Divorce when the children & spouse are overseas
When your child and ex move overseas - keeping contact
Other child-divorce matters
Handicapped children & the divorce rate
Affairs
Affairs and their impact on divorce settlements.
Assets/debt and divorce
The duty to disclose your financials when divorcing.
Insufficent disclosure from a spouse on their assets/liabilities; the section 7 notice remedy (in terms of the Matrimonial Property Act)
Division of the joint estate in the event of a divorce.
- Antenuptial contracts
- When parties cannot agree on the accrual calculation; the court may appointment a referee to assist with the accrual calculation
- When parties cannot decide how to divvy the assets : The court may nominate someone to collect, realise and divide the estate (called a liquidator, receiver or curator).
- How affairs impact the division of assets on divorce
Movable assets - what to take if you move out.
Protection of assets using a trust
Divorce & pension fund assets
Divorce and pension fund payouts
Get your info directly from spouse's pension fund, not indirectly from your spouse.
Undisclosed Pension Interest at divorce results in amendment to divorce order
Pension interest in the accrual calculation, and the related tax liability
State pension fund is unconstitutional
Navy pension payout post-divorce
Property and divorce
Be careful with how you word the clauses about selling the property upon divorce
Should you move out of the matrimonial house prior to divorce?
Property in your spouse's name
When parents have rights to stay at the property you want to sell on divorce.
Life insurance, death & divorce
Life insurance & divorce in South Africa
Death in the middle of divorce
Divorce & future expenses
Divorce & Future medical expenses
Marriage (COP vs ANC), cohabition and Universal partnerships
Marriage in community of property
Short definition of a marriage in community of property
Forfeiture of benefits of marriage in community of property - Wijker v Wijker 1993
Kooverjee v Kooverjee
Rights for those in Universal partnerships
- Universal partnership: Asset sharing
- The distribution of assets from the dissolution of universal partnerships
Treatise on the Contract of Partnership: By Pothier ; with the Civil Code and Code of Commerce ... (1854)
Null declaration of customary union
Divorce orders
Vary or rescind a divorce order
Change divorce order without court application
Non-compliance with a divorce order
Spangenberg & Another vs De Waal; Rule 43 order is set aside
Perjury & forgery
Divorce: Forging spouse's signature
Divorce courts
Divorce cases in the Cape High Court
Annulment instead of divorce
What is annulment of a marriage?
What are the grounds for annulment of a marriage?
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