How do I participate in my child’s life when he stays overseas with my ex? In a divorce case in which I was recently involved, a couple who were originally from Cape Town have for the last 3 years been residing in Taiwan. The man now has now received a job opportunity to move to England.
A difficulty in this case is that there are 2 minor children involved, both boys. Both parties want full care over the children which is leading to a delay in the matter. The end result, due to the young age of the boys, may well be that the wife ends up with the primary residence of the boys being awarded to her, and co-guardianship given to both parties.
It would be essential in a situation like this for the man to speak regularly to his sons over the phone. Fax and web based communication and email contact would also be important. The man should ensure that he has telephonic and internet access at all reasonable hours.
The following steps should also be taken and agreed on between you and your ex:
Until the minor child can read and write, your ex should undertake to send regular emails to you on behalf of your child and to print all emails and faxes sent by you to the child. Your ex should keep all these in an appropriately marked folder and read them to your child whenever received and when asked to do so thereafter;
Your ex should encourage communication between parent and child on your child and your respective birthdays, on Fathers/Mothers day and Christmas (unless any of these days coincide with your contact time with your child);
You should have all reasonable contact with your child provided that such contact shall be exercised in his best interests and shall create the minimum degree of disturbance to his routine, educational and necessary extramural activities. The date and times of personal visits shall be agreed upon by the parties to suit both parents’ work schedules;
The parties must agree to any changes in schooling, extracurricular activities, or religious instruction and to any non-emergency medical care;
Your ex should keep you informed of the identity of the child’s teachers, day care providers, medical providers, psychiatrists, psychologists or metal health counsellors;
Your ex should inform you in advance of any extraordinary medical and other treatment necessary for your child and keep you fully up to date with all developments concerning the child’s well being;
Your ex should inform you or any changes in her physical address or of any changes in your child’s living environment (such as your ex getting remarried or setting up home with a partner);
Failing agreement between them the parties accept that court proceedings are detrimental to the best interests of the child, are destructive of the relationship between the parties and the child and litigation and threats of litigation should, where possible, be avoided. Accordingly the parties shall use their best endeavours and shall seek to resolve any differences and/or disputes between them in relation to the child; in a friendly and civil manner and if necessary, the parties shall have meetings with a view to resolving such disputes. If the parties cannot agree upon an area of dispute (such as modification of the child’s schooling, extracurricular activities, or religious instruction or to any non-emergency medical care) they agree to mediate the dispute and to share the mediator’s fee equally;
Obviously, the arrangement between he parents may change from time to time. To ensure that the best interest of the child is the paramount concern in all matters affecting the child, the parties will remain entirely flexible regarding parental responsibilities and rights and care of the child and contact with such child.
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This was written by South African divorce specialist, Peter M Baker