I would say that in about seventy percent of my divorce cases there are unfortunately children involved. Very often it is in the best interest of the minor children to get divorced, particularly when there is a lot of arguing in the matrimonial home.
I have on occasion been consulted by a client who says that he or she wants another child but his or her spouse doesn't. They explain this as being one of the main reasons for the breakdown in the marriage. They do actually have a valid point, depending on one's perception of marriage, as some people see the aim of marriage as being to have as many children as possible.
I recently consulted a couple who wanted a divorce. They had one young son aged three. The lady was twenty five years of age and her husband in his early fourties. The problem in this relationship was that she wanted another child, hopefully a girl, but her husband wanted no further children. The lady had seen her other friends having more than one child, and desperately wanted a second.
The couple advised me that they had been sleeping in separate bedrooms for quite some time, and that the man had withdrawn himself sexually from his wife. The man explained to me that his wife had spent huge amounts of money on a credit card. Their motor vehicle had recently been in a collision and was “written off”. They needed to purchase another one, but the lady wanted to purchase clothes instead. The man needed a motor vehicle for work. He explained to me that he would not have a second child with her as she was a spendthrift.
The man further argued at our meeting that the couple had different ideas on how to discipline their son, and that until that was resolved he would not even consider having a second child with his wife. The woman however had her own other reasons for the breakdown in the marriage. She claimed that her husband was lazy and refused to assist with the cooking and other household work.
The abovementioned couple got divorced in the end and the marriage was destined for failure. A couple who have financial difficulties, have lost intimacy in their relationships and who are constantly arguing about how their child should be disciplined, should certainly not consider having a second child. This would be plain foolish and would just add to the financial problems.
I recently had another case where my client was going through a hard time with her husband. He thought having a second child would improve the marriage. She reluctantly agreed on a second child. The marriage just went from bad to worse and ended in a divorce anyway. A so-called “band-aid baby” is no solution for a struggling marriage.
Should you have any doubt as to whether to have a second child you should perhaps wait and seek professional counselling first before making a decision. It could be the best or worst decision of your life.
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